Confusion? Ms. D? Trust? God?

Okay, so last night my church had a lock in. It got kinda deep...or tried. Ms. D wanted us to share what it felt like when Christ came into our hearts and was SO disappionted when no one did. I wanted to, I wanted to help her open up the conversation. But i couldnt, not without crying. I was so close to telling her about cutting myself. I felt the Lord tugging at my heart to open up and tel lsomeone for the Second time! but i ignored it because i am a coward. I was almost crying i just wanted to call Ms. D to the side and start crying and tell her EVERYTHING, but i knew i couldnt. But why cant I? I dont know... its an instinct to keep all things secret. I realize i can never have the relationship with the Lord that I want with this secret weighing me down down down . I wanted to tell her. I simply couldnt i was absolutely positive i would Bawl and people would ask questions and my parents would look down on me. Or my mom would blame herself and get even more depressed wghich doesnt even seem possible anymore. I just wanna tell. I feel like it will set me free. I tell myself i will tell when im ready, but ive ignored the feeling to tell TWICE. Who knows how many more times I'll feel it and say no? The Lord wants me to tell and i want to be happy... ugh it seems impossible just the act of telling someone.