Guess where I just was?! I'll give you a hint! I can taste vomit. My bathroom smells and I can't stop shaking. Yeah, so much for stopping. I can't help it! Well, maybe I could. I just want to be thin. I want to sit up and not see those disgusting jelly rolls. I want to not worry about muffin tops for once. Once I'm 120, I won't have to worry about these things. I won't have to worry about anything! Except maybe annoying people telling me I'm too thin. I just want to restrict. That's all I've EVER wanted. But then this whole "you can eat alot AND be thin if you throw up" lie came into the picture and has distracted me for an entire year. I'm sick of it. I just want to have a perfect body. More than that really. More of a perfect mind set. I yearn for that empty feeling. (Different from that empty acidic feeling.) That feeling that anything is possible. UGH. My parents, my boyfriend and I are going on a trip to the river. Which means bikini for four days straight AND sitting in a tube. Me in a bikini? Okay. Me sitting? Okay. Put them together and I'm a fat train wreck. I have 'bout a month to get my act together. But who says I can? I've been saying this for far too long. Well I'm getting way too shaky to type. Correcting errors is annoying, but the only thing that is making this legible. Byyyyee!
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